Smile like you mean it
by catesy
Summary: It’s hard. Life is hard. But for you there is nothing I won’t do. yohXanna


Smile like you mean it

Some days it's hard to move. Move forward, backward, anywhere. Somehow I find the strength to walk up the path to where I know you'll be. The air is bitterly cold and a blanket of snow glitters on the ground. It would be beautiful if only you were here with me.

_The snows whiteness is only a reflection from the light._

I think of us and wonder how much we reflected off each other. You were everything I should have been. I can only hope there was some part of me you wanted reflected in you. Walking all alone I wonder if I will ever reflect anything again.

Together I think you and I made one very good person. We never did do very well on our own did we? We really only lived half a life before we met. We were both alone and we both hated it. I may not have showed it much but believe me I was grateful for you.

I hate being alone.

My feet carry me unconsciously. I've travailed this road more than enough to know it by heart. My mind has better things to do than think of where I'm going.

If you could see me now what would you say? Probably that I should be wearing a heavier coat and definitely a pair of gloves. I know you would chastise me for being out in this kind of weather but I also know you would never try and stop me from doing something I wanted. Not when it means this much to me.

I stop and realize I've come to the end. In front of me is your grave marker. I kneel, a bit too clumsily for my liking, your necklace in my hands. The marker is covered in snow and fallen leaves. I clean it off as best I can; I won't stand for your grave to be in disarray. I offer incense as I have a hundred times before. I clasp my hands in a praying motion, your necklace held tightly between.

I tell myself every time I come that this time I will not cry. Warm tears leave my eyes becoming cold in the harsh weather, I know I've failed once again. You wouldn't want me to cry would you? You would tell me to be happy and move on with my life. But I can't and somehow I know you know that as well.

You and I are bound together by something stronger than death.

That day in Osorezan, it snowed that day as well. I fell in love with you then and I vowed I would make your dreams come true. I feel like I've failed you, failed the future we should have shared together. There are days I wish this nightmare would end and that when I wake you'll be there. There are days I wish I would sleep and never wake up.

I'm so lonely without you. Friends are little comfort. A thousand people could surround me but without you I'm alone.

I feel a presence behind me and turn around. Amidamaru is there, looking at me with eyes full of concern. Usually when I come here he stays away, giving me space to grieve. I turn back to your marker and stand up. "Just a few more minutes." I say hoping he will leave. I hate for him to see me like this. Only because I know he suffers when I do.

He nods silently and begins to leave. A moment later he is back by my side and I face him once more. "Master Yoh, I know Lady Anna's death has been hard on you but…" his eyes fall to the grave marker and for a moment he seems lost for words.

We are silent, the howl of the wind filling the air. Suddenly he speaks again. "You should smile for her."

I look at him again this time with a hint of questioning in my expression. He turns from me but continues talking. "I understand that you can't smile for me or for the others any longer." He turns around and looks at your name written in cold stone. "But for her…for Anna, you should always smile." He fades away then and I no longer sense him.

The snowfall becomes heavier and I clutch your beads to my chest. They offer no warmth and I feel a little disappointed by that fact. I shut my eyes and through my tears I force myself to smile.

It's hard. Life is hard. But for you Anna there is nothing I won't do.

AN

Ok so this came from all those stories out there were Yoh is dead and Anna left to grieve. I wanted to do something sad and this was what I came up with. Also I wanted to keep the reader guessing as to who was dead. Until Amidamaru shows up it really could be either Yoh or Anna narrating.

Also the line "_The snows whiteness is only a reflection from the light." _is a quote from Anna from Vol 20 of the manga.

lj-cut ... /lj-cut 


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